Please, indulge me.

Ladies, don’t hate me for what I am about to say.
(With an intro like that, I hate you already.)
Gentlemen, you probably don’t care so much, but I beg, don’t you hate me too.
(Uh oh, better pay attention…)
You see, I am feeling rather smug right now. (Gawd.) Why, you ask? (Why would this mother of three [...]