Dear Scofflaw Cyclist:
I can only assume that you think the laws of the road don’t apply to you, possibly because your vehicle has only two wheels, which in your mind makes you, what, more nimble? Faster? I’m not sure, because I really don’t do bikes… my body type isn’t well-suited for the spandex racer gear you feel the need to wear, the helmet squishes my hair, and when I take to the roads, I like to have climate control, XM Radio, and, oh yeah – a roof.
Anyway, I saw you run a red light today, two different times. First of all, dude, that’s just dangerous. (Your mom would be so pissed off if she knew you just did that.) And second of all? If I remember correctly from fourth period driver’s ed with Coach Shuler junior year, you’re supposed to obey the rules of the road regardless of how many wheels your vehicle has, or whether or not you’re required to wear seat belt when operating it. Which means you are supposed to STOP at a red traffic signal, even if you can see that no cars are approaching from the other direction. Just…stop. Wait for the signal to turn green. Look both ways. Then, and only then, you may proceed.
I know you think you’re all Lance Armstrong out there with your Gear and your Aerodynamic UV-Protection Sunglasses and your Spandex, and in your mind you are scaling the Pyrenees during the eleventeenth stage of the Tour de France, but guess what? You aren’t. You are riding on the streets of a suburb of Washington, DC, and out here, we have TRAFFIC SIGNALS and RULES… and if you can’t follow ‘em, RIDE ON THE SIDEWALK. Or on a bike trail. Or drive your car.
Or. just. stay. home.
Sincerely,
Soup
Filed under: rant | Tagged: bicycle, cyclist, Lance Armstrong, Pyrenees, rules of the road, scofflaw, spandex, Tour de France, traffic laws
OMG, meggie, I just got in snarkarama trouble for not even ranting so much as suggesting bikers too need caution, in addition to drivers. I was reading about the horrible, indeed tragic, incident in which a biker was run over and while I’m hesitant to “blame the victim,” I must say I was somewhat aghast that every article mentioned that when she asked was “told she PROBABLY should wear a helmet!” probably?? in downtown dc? biking in dc is a REALLY big deal, not something everyone should feel they can do without requisite experience, confidence, and at least “rules of the road” like ummm wearing a helmet.
I very nearly got a new hood ornament last month from a bicyclist running a red light. I hesitated even longer than my customary NINE YEARS before proceeding through the intersection; I don’t know why. Just as I gave it a little gas, there he was, and while I didn’t hit him, and in fact no one hit him, I WANTED to hit him at that moment. Bastage.
Oh, and readers? I didn’t nearly hit either of these guys. But ask me about the kiddo I hit when the summer I’d just turned 17 and was driving over to the neighboring town, and this kid reached down to pull up his sock (or so he said) and he swerved into me and I saw him fly up and hit pavement in my rear view mirror? GAH what a scene!! I mean he was fine, but I myself was scaaaared for liiiiiiiiiiife.
So maybe that’s why I’m a TAD SENSITIVE to CYCLISTS on the ROAD!!!
GAAAAH!