Stay Chez Soup for Inauguration

I heard on the radio yesterday that some guy in Maryland is dividing his yard into campsites for tents and charging $100 per night for any hardy soul who wants to brave the elements in proximity of the Washington, DC inauguration festivities in January. My friend Randi was joking on Facebook about renting her apartment for some silly coin during the same time. But the more I think about it, I figure, why joke? There is Real Income Potential here, less than one hour from the Nation’s Capital, and I would be silly not to exploit it.

Thus, I present to you, the accommodations at Chez Soup. It’s kind of like a bed and breakfast, in that we can offer you someplace to sleep, and something for you to eat in the morning (although we can’t promise that you will sleep on a bed, or have access to traditional breakfast foods). On the plus side, it’s more or less climate-controlled (though not chaos-controlled), which definitely trumps that guy offering tent sites.

We present four unique choices for your consideration. (To view my helpful annotations, click on the photo, then click again.  Click your brower’s back button to return.)

SOFA SUITE

Amenities include brick fireplace, 46″ LCD HD-TV with pay per view and DVD player, extensive library including board games, CDs, and tons of family photographs.  Closest option to the common kitchen / dining area.  Shared bathroom on the whole other end of the house just a short walk away.  Not all that drafty. Will remind you of your dorm / hostel days, except that you seriously have to sleep on the couch. It’s not a pull-out. But I promise you, it’s oh-so comfortable.

LOWER-LEVEL LIVING

This sequestered suite is sure to book early. Featuring its own bathroom, adjacent office with high-speed internet access, laundry facilities (with litter box), plus tons of storage shelving rooms, this suite could comfortably hold two adults for several days before we would even notice your presence. The real selling point here is definitely the ghetto-gym complimentary workout facilities, conveniently located right in the room! Extra blankets and space heater(s) available upon request.

SOMEPLACE FOR THE KIDS TO CRASH

Here at Chez Soup, we offer something for everyone. Got kids? Bring ‘em! They can stay in the older boys’ room.  We’ll send them to friends for “sleepovers” while you’re here.  Check out this feature-filled, squalor- amenity-packed room! Pets are already included, so no need to bring your own.

MASTER BEDROOM: WHY NOT?

Our fourth option is geared towards the budget-minded visitor, or the guest who desires to really get to know his (or her) hosts.  Our master bedroom features a king-size bed, and frankly, it’s so big that there are some nights where we never cross the middle. When lodging is at a premium near Washington, DC, that translates to wasted space! Why not throw your sleeping bag right on top of the bed – we’ll stay under the covers – and settle in.  We’re all friends here. Please note: snorers, talkers, kickers, elbow-throwers and sleepwalkers are encouraged to consider our other options first.  Use of remote control is not permitted, but if we like you, we’ll probably share the master bathroom with you.

INQUIRIES, RESERVATIONS, TERMS:

Inquire with soupisnotafingerfood (at) gmail (dot) com. First come, first served. Shuttle to Metro available for additional charge upon request. Please note dietary restrictions, pet and/or squalor allergies or quirky habits before submitting your nonrefundable deposit. Cash only;  will consider barter, depending on what you’re offering. Reduced rates may be available if you can fold laundry, babysit, walk the dog, clean, caulk, fix stuff, or bring beer, gin and/or wine. Void where prohibited. This is only a joke. Please don’t take me seriously. I mean it. Well, kinda. Money talks, after all.