Fashion Don’t

Yesterday morning, while attempting to dress for work, I changed my clothes three times.  Have you ever had a day like that? Other than when you were a teenager, I mean. As an adult. Recently. Where nothing felt right, no combination worked, stuff just didn't fit…

Am I the only one?

*insert sound of crickets chirping*

FINE, maybe I am. Stop rolling your eyes already. But I’m going to tell you what I’m dealing with here because blogs are for sharing.

There’s a perfect storm of contributing factors to my wardrobe malaise. For starters, things just don’t fit like they used to. I’m inclined to attribute this to my advancing age (I was, after all, born in the ‘60s), but more likely, it’s due in equal parts to French fries and wine. Neither of which I’m inclined to forego.  I need to dig out the warranty to see if "having my off switch recalibrated" is covered.

So, there’s my complete lack of willpower.  Next, we have my disinclination to do anything that remotely resembles exercise. Oh sure, I’ll park in the far lot and walk to the Metro station, and I’ll help shovel feet of snow off of our driveway, but let’s just say that my treadmill is collecting plenty of dust these days. As are my sneakers.

Those things account for the fact that the things I own don’t fit. But they don’t account for the fact that apparently, I have bad taste.

Why didn’t you people tell me??

The last time I changed was literally right before I walked out the door. I was holding my coat, ready to put it on, and decided NO! I cannot wear this! I quickly changed my top to something I hoped would go better with the pants I was wearing.  It was only later, in the office, as I changed into my work shoes that I discovered I'd forgotten to change my socks. So there I was at work, slipping my red-sock-clad feet into black clogs and hoping my pants would cover them so that no one asked me how come the red socks with the pink top?

As is my compulsion habit, I posted my quandary on Facebook.

Fashion dont FB

A friend posted in response:

Like is it bad enough that I would snicker all bitchy like if I saw you on the street?

And I thought to myself no, no, you probably wouldn’t snicker all bitchy like. But you might have some other thoughts. You might be wondering, is this what happens to women on the far side of 40? The Frumpies?

Next, you might promise yourself that I Will Not Allow This Happen To Me.  To that I say, Good luck and Godspeed to you, Sunshine.

But if you were sincerely full of care and concern for what is obviously a Very Big Problem?

You’d nominate me for What Not To Wear. I would totally subject myself to Stacey and Clinton’s ridicule in exchange for a two-day shopping spree and a  $5,000 new wardrobe.


FIVE GRAND! I wouldn’t even know how to spend that kind of money on my clothes!


Shut up.


7 thoughts on “Fashion Don’t

  1. If you didn’t have any fashion taste, you wouldn’t be bothered by wearing outfits Elle would likely ban from their ragazine.
    You’d probably be a guy, too.
    Red and pink aren’t good together? Here I thought those were all admiring glances.

  2. From what I remember, the vast majority of folks Stacy & Clinton get to terrorize have no idea they look terrible.
    You, I’m sure, looked decent but felt as though you looked terrible. Therefor, they wouldn’t want you. (Besides, that make up girl is kinda scary!)
    Red and Pink go fine together, according to my 4 year old. And the JC Penney outfits my MIL bought her.

  3. Bob, I like your rationale! Sorry to deliver the bad news about red and pink. Only on Valentine’s Day, I’m afraid, and even then it’s at best a dicey combo.
    MPM, some things are better left to the imagination.
    Ptooie, I could -and would – fake obliviousness for a jammin’ new $5K wardrobe!

  4. Yea, so would I. And as I will at some point soon be starting a new position as the supervisor of my department, we will see how bad my wardrobe is. As a lowly stock clerk, I am required to wear company-issued navy blue everything. Supervisors are to dress business casual (here anyway, as we are 1100 miles away from headquarters). I’m actually very nervous about having to think about what to wear each workday. Not that anyone would really care, the flying public will not see me, just coworkers.

  5. You’re on, Noe Noe. We’ll continue to economize by buying Target Couture and spend the money where it really counts -on beer!
    And ptooie, congrats on that promotion! Choose mix ‘n’ match pieces in black, brown, gray and white (or off white). If you’re feeling cheeky, throw in some red. Find comfortable shoes and buy them in both black and brown. IN the morning, choose one of each and you’re good to go!
    That is, if you wanna take wardrobe advice from me after reading my post.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s