Irreverent (imaginary) Tweets

HERE ARE SOME THINGS I MIGHT HAVE TWEETED this morning while sitting in the choir loft at my church, through not one but two morning services. This happens from time to time, on Big Church Sundays, that the choir is asked to sing during both services. Most of the time, this isn't a big deal and I manage just fine. But today, well, my head just wasn't in the game. Especially the second time around. This might be the Dirty Little Secret of choir members: We may look all pious and reverent, sitting up there in our matching robes, but don't assume we are all always completely engaged in what goes on around us.

Lucky for you, I didn't have my Blackberry, so I scrawled these notes on my bulletin.  As I sat quietly and tried to listen to everything. TWICE. (I know. This could mean I'm going straight to hell.)

Can someone pass me a Sudoku, maybe, or a crossword?

Can't believe I'm thinking this: I would rather be doing laundry.

SING IT, people! With enthusiasm!

Wait; that doesn't make any sense. Can you repeat that?

Hey, folks in the back! There are plenty of good seats left up here in the front! Good views of attractive singers!

If I close my eyes, maybe they'll just think I'm praying, or meditating. Won't they?

Hey, Man in the front row, WAKE UP! No fair you can sleep and I can't.

STORE LIST: Milk, bread, eggs, pepperoni, dog food, apples, fish sticks, Diet Coke, something for dinner…

What would YOU have Tweeted this morning, in church or otherwise?

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I don't often check my site analytics because I'm not all that hung up on my numbers. However, the search terms are fascinating! So, If you are the person who landed here by searching "tetanus from can of soup", "shit soup", "breast torture interrogation" or "fun finger food hat", I apologize, for I'm sure you didn't find here what you were expecting. Please refine your search terms and try again.

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One year ago today: I shared a cool postcard from Brigantine, NJ from the late 1960s. Commenters left some hilarious caption suggestions!

11 thoughts on “Irreverent (imaginary) Tweets

  1. Shit soup? That’s a good one. I’ll be eating a vat of that tomorrow morning before I leave for work.
    Your tweets are excellent. If I ever went back to church, the walls would cave in, so there’d be no time to tweet.
    No time to tweet sounds like the name of a song.
    This rambling comment is now coming to an end, but one question: What did you need the pepperoni for? Inquiring minds and all.

  2. Because Pepperoni is always on my store list. The kids just eat it plain, and I make a lot of pizza and stromboli.
    I know, shit soup? WTH??

  3. I would have paid money to have slept until 9:30. The 5 year old woke up early and tiptoed around and got the dogs all fired up and there was noise in our room that was impossible to ignore. Sigh.

  4. Well, I guess confession is good for the soul.
    DH to me, written on the bulletin during the children’s sermon: “Dear God, help me!”
    Me, whispering back: “I’m not listening!!”
    Me, on bulletin 1/2-way through interminable sermon: “THE END.”

  5. Coming from you and your husband, Bets, that makes me feel like a frillion times better about confessing that I was mentally composing a grocery list during the sermon!

  6. Sitting in the choir, I used to prop the hymnal upright on my lap, put my elbow on the hymnal, use that hand to cover my eyes, making it look like I was deep in thought, meditating on the universe, when in reality I was nodding off. When I would hear the minister say,”So it behooves us . . .” that was my signal that he was in his last paragraph. He ALWAYS did that.
    On a serious note . . . .yesterday we sang one verse of “Just As I Am” and I was reminded of the many times we sang that at Faith Church as part of the Communion service. I sang beside Grandma in the choir for many years. Yesterday it made me verklempt.

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