MCCORMICK ENTERPRISES is a busy, entrepreneurial enterprise engaged in the industry of domestic engineering. We are currently seeking a bright, energetic self-starter to join our team as Executive Assistant to the CEO.

Responsible for key, high-profile deliverables, including (but not limited to) sweeping all floors daily, mopping kitchen floor twice weekly, and loading, running and unloading the dishwasher. Will also manage full life-cycle of laundry, ensure dog's water bowl is full and cat's litterbox is empty.

Qualifications include: High school diploma (some college preferred), plus 3-5 years of experience in a similar support role. Must be able to respond to ever-changing priorities, pay attention to detail and thrive in fast-paced environment. Must have excellent communication skills. Ability to read minds is a plus.

To apply: Send resume, cover letter and salary requirement to McCormick Enterprises leave a comment on this post explaining why you're the ideal candidate for this thankless unique drudgery opportunity. No phonecalls, please. McCormick Enterprises offers flexible work schedules and supports work-life balance. Equal opportunity employer.

13 thoughts on “HELP WANTED

  1. Didn’t you leave off some duties? Like chauffeuring children to and fro? Random trips to the grocery store? Toilet plunging? I think you might need a “and other duties as assigned” line.

  2. I’ll take the cast-offs that CBW turns down. Provided they’re open to relocation (unsubsidized) and not opposed to figuring out how to clean house in a scent free mode and how to endear themselves to the Brute Squad so they aren’t subject to random surprise attacks.

  3. I have found the answer: I simply have only vision-impaired friends with extraordinarily poor senses of smell. If your new employee can find me a few of *those* I’ll be golden.

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