Don’t forget to pack your sauce

tuckaway fifth

I found this ad in the July 28, 1967 issue of Life Magazine. It tickled me because – check it out – Mister Big Biznessman’s goin’ on a trip and his white-gloved honey has made sure she tucked a li’l fifth of his favorite bourbon right into his suitcase, right there next to the white shirts she so lovingly ironed (how many times must I tell you, light starch, honey – dammit, you know it makes my neck itch!).

Ya think he managed to get that by TSA in the hopes of gate-checking his bag so he could avoid the whole baggage claim circus on the far side? Did he seal it in a single, quart-sized Ziploc bag?

OH WAIT – this was the 1960s, a time when liquids in large containers could be carried willy-nilly throughout the airport. A time when flight attendants were called stewardesses and they had strict upper limits on their weight  and age… when tickets were paper – not E – and full, hot meals were served on real plates with real forks and real knives… and suitcases didn’t yet have wheels, and a fella could keep his shoes and belt ON and his party could meet him right there at the gate instead of outside the secure zone…

…it was a time when a man was a MAN and by golly, he packed his very own Tuckaway Fifth on every business trip.

Wanna flya Cessna?

In one of thousands  hundreds  dozens  several boxes of mementos from my youth, currently taking up entire rooms in my basement, I found two magazines from the week I was born in the Mesozoic Era  Renaissance  Roaring Twenties late sixties.  My Grandma Sara was an R.N. in a doctor’s office and she thoughtfully swiped their copies of Life and Look for my parents to stash away on my behalf. I don’t think I knew I had them until one of our recent moves.

Last night I was looking through the Life Magazine from July 28, 1967, and came upon this ad that included a helpful, cents-off coupon. I don’t know if it’s worth trying to cash it in today, but in any case, check it out:

wanna flya cessna

AWESOME! Slip a licensed instructor a fin and you, too, can jet above your post-industrial city!  What? You don’t have your ID with you? Oh, that’s OK, bring it tomorrow.  We trust you.

C’mon, you know you wanna – all the cool kids are doin’ it.

Lest you should think I ripped this idea off from the pages of The Glamorous Life Association’s AdTalk series, please know this: I think of it more as “inspiration” – and, I cleared it with Marcy ahead of time.  In fact, if you think this one’s good, you should pop on over to view the ads she’s posted. Hilarious stuff!

BTW, I have another one from the same mag that will be coming your way  later this week. Priceless stuff, this.

Song of Joy

captain and tennille song of joy

My awesome sister gave me this Captain & Tennille CD for my birthday!  THANKS, BETS!

We had this LP when we were kids and listened to it incessantly, if memory serves. That is, when Barry Manilow and the K-Tel Greatest Hits weren’t on the turntable. (Attention Kids: There’s likely to be a lot of Dated References in this post. Please just nod and smile and pretend to be amused, like you do when your parents start on a story from back in the day and just won’t stop. It’ll be just like that.  Thanks for your patience, and thanks for reading!)

I remember my sister and I had a choreographed routine to “Shop Around” that we performed in her bedroom. I think it involved flips over the end of her awesome canopy bed with the yellow gingham linens, lip-syncing with fake microphones and dramatic arm flourishes, and pennies on the arm of the record player to prevent skipping. (Kids, did you get that? Pennies on the arm of the record player? Do you know what a “needle” is in this context? My gawd, you were born in the 1990s, how could you begin to understand??)

I was driving home from my office tonight – an hour’s drive no matter which route you take – and listening to the CD.  (You freakin’ kids, do you even know what a CD is? DO YOU??)  I was surprised because there were songs on it that I totally don’t remember from when we owned it 33 years ago.  We must have skipped to our favorite songs – Lonely Night, Shop Around, and (I know, shut up) The Wedding Song (There Is Love).   And by “skipped” I mean we moved the “needle” on the “arm” of the “record player” to the next “song” on the “LP”. (Kids are you keeping up??)

Listening to it tonight, I was struck both by the Captain’s excellent keyboard skills, and Toni Tennille’s bluesy alto vocals. Right in my own vocal range. I sang along and the words came rushing right back to the tip of my tongue, as if it was just yesterday I was 9 years old and listening to it in my sister’s bedroom.

The other thought I had? Is how cool it is with CDs – or MP3 tracks – to be able to skip the ones you don’t want to hear and listen to the ones you do. And that was also possible back in the dark ages, when we listened to LPs (kids, if you’ve been paying attention, I’ve explained in other posts that an “LP” was a black vinyl disc the size of a dinner plate into which music was pressed – oh, never mind, go ask you folks).  And then I got to thinking about cassette tapes, and how many of those I totally wore out (INXS’s The Swing, Foreigner 4, Van Halen 1984, the Pretty in Pink soundtrack) from all the fast-forwarding and rewinding.  And THAT made me think about Soup Husband Curt’s awesome sound system that he had when we first met – a real selling point! –  and how his stereo cassette player had this button called “cue” that would fast forward through exactly one track, find the blank space between tracks, and brink you to the next track? Remember how cool that was?

And THEN I thought to myself, what ever happened to the brilliant engineer who heard people whine and bitch and moan about how much worse cassette tapes were than LPs because you couldn’t easily move from track to track, and he said I CAN FIX THAT!, and voila!, he had a patent on the little “cue” button on everyone’s stereo cassette decks, and that was the most Awesome Thing Ever about 25 years ago, when making mix tapes was a fun way to pass a Fridy night, but how now that technology is obsolete to the point where – forget about cassette tapes – those of us born in the ’60s are strugging to explain to our children about how an artist would publish a collection of 9-12 songs and it was called an ALBUM and you’d go to Sam Goody or The Wiz or Kemp Mill Records and buy it all for about $12, in the form of a CD, instead of buying one track for $0.99 through the computer and digitally transferring it to your “iPod” or “MP3 player” or, God forbid, your “mobile phone”!, and how there is no further need for the once nifty invention called the “cue button”?

And then I got home and stopped thinking about these things, but I didn’t stop thinking about the Captain and Tennille and how they had their own Variety Show on Network Television, and that, kids, is a whole other thing that you will never understand, but no matter!, check out this clip I found on YouTube (imagine if we’d had THAT in the 1970s!) from Toni Tennille’s variety show in the 1970s, and maybe, just maybe, you’ll understand your parents a wee bit better than you did before reading my rambling diatribe:

Shop Around